I hit 100 days!! 

I have been so busy but rather then going into it on here I will make a separate post regarding life.
So Sunday was the 100th day I did not gamble!! Today is actually 102days I know I’m late updating!! In those 100 days I have saved myself £4,400 on average!! 
Now that has gone!!   It went on the kids house stuff, new clothing for myself thins that are important.

I’m proud I made it without any meetings especially after the last months incidents most people relapse after struggles so close to stopping an addiction.
I’m proud I didn’t it shows me I can go through almost anything without caving!! 
Don’t get me wrong I get thoughts sometimes really bad ones but I manage them I walk away from those thoughts telling me I should gamble.

What a week! I made it to 81 days gamble free 

I have not posted in a while..

Kids holidays so I’m spending as much time as I can with them before they go back to school! 
Working as well yes I work from home which I love but I do need to do some work every day.
Along with that personally I have changed I am so much happier now any bad things that try to get me down I am able to handle them and push them out my mind.
I have achieved so much and I’m so happy my mind is clear more clear then it has been for years!   And I’m new stepping up and realising what things in my life are wrong and need to go or be changed.
Life can not continue how it did before my addiction.  Clearly things in my past made me gamble and become addicted and those things need to change.
Today is day 81 of no gambling!!  My first time stopping with little support and I am achieving it! In not so long it will be 3 months! 
Changes are coming!! 
Tomorrow’s post is not to be missed you will see just why things got so bad for me!
Here’s a few pictures from this past week.

Excited, Upset, Anxious Just A Few Thoughts Of Gambling

It is amazing, isn’t it!  Just how many people kept their secrets hidden when it comes to addictions.  Something that people often see as wrong and weak and that makes people hide what they are doing for so long.

 

I have had the same questions come up in many conversations from people who think they may have a gambling addiction.

  1. That is how did you feel when you gambled?
  2. What was your mind like when you gambled?
  3. What made you realize you were addicted?

Now I am willing to share my experience and delve deeper into these areas if it could possibly help someone identify if they have an addiction or just get carried away!

 

 

That is the issue here!  Some people still believe gambling can’t be an addiction and that we just get carried away and can not stop ourselves!  When does it become an addiction?  When does it become an addiction so bad it ruins your life?  And when will people realize gambling can be an addiction!

 

Look at it this way!  Someone who drinks and gets totally wasted after not having a night out in a year more than likely just got carried away and are not an alcholic.

 

Now someone who every time they drink does this they most certainly would be perceived as an alcoholic!

 

So to answer your first question.  How did I feel when I gambled?

 

In the start I felt relaxed, I enjoyed it and got a buzz I didn’t feel anxious or stressed or like I was destroying my life.  I felt like I was having fun and relaxing!  Towards the end well let’s take the relaxed out of there!  And put in more anxiousness and more stressed.

I would get the buzz when I won however that would soon turn to annoyance and anxiousness when I couldn’t keep winning and lost!  Followed by depression, sadness and a feeling of been lost and unable to control myself!

 

Question 2 What was my mind like when I gambled?

Again in the beginning it was relaxed but hyped up waiting to see if I would win.  If I lost the £20 £30 I put on my mind wouldn’t be so bothered I would walk away still feeling good yes I lost some money but only £20!  I knew I wouldn’t gamble again for a week or so.

 

Now when it was towards the end!  My mind was a mess it is the only way to really describe it! I would put £20 on lose and it yet my mind just pushed and pushed till I put another £20 on.  My mind would say to me you can win that £20 back if you keep pushing the game to pay out.  The game sometimes would pay out £80-£300 unlike the beginning when I would take it and run or keep playing if I won £300 and had £18 left I would play with that £18 then withdraw.

The end, however, I wouldn’t I would keep hitting that button my mind telling me you can do it you can get another big win. Down to £250, Telling myself I should withdraw while my mind played tricks telling me no no keep going your close to a win.  Down to £200 and again trying to convince my mind I had to withdraw this £200 but no my mind wouldn’t it kept fighting back saying keep going there has to be a big win soon.

This would go on and one until my balance reached 0 At that point my mind would pipe up you won that much and lost over £500 including winnings deposit again your due a big win!  Telling my mind no didn’t work it did what it wanted I couldn’t fight it!

Again If while trying to win more I did get another big win would I withdraw?  No!  My mind would keep pushing at one point I had £700 it got down to £20 and knowing that was all I had left I forced myself to take it even though my mind was telling me to keep going!

 

Call it weak or addiction call it what ever you want to!  It is like an alcoholic saying just one more because that is what their mind says to them!

 

Something that is hard to answer is what made you realize you were addicted?

I kind of knew deep down I was before I said anything but my opportunity to overcome the mind was not there.  You see while I knew I was addicted if I tried to push through the just one more bet wouldn’t work my mind wouldn’t give in it did not want me to admit it out loud!  Why?  because if I did my mind would lose the control and grip on me!  People do not realize how amazing and powerful the mind really is!  But that is the point it is that powerful it can stop you speaking up about been addicted because it doesn’t want to let you go.

So that night I did speak up well let’s just say I hit rock bottom!  I spent all my money that week on gambling rent was sat there and I spent that! Gone over £1000 in just 2 hours.  Realization hit I couldn’t hide it anymore my mind at that point was like go on gamble again you can win it back.  But as my emotions were totally a mess and I had a break down that is what let me get it out there!

 

The first step was to make sure I would tell someone so I messaged someone I knew online I knew however she was busy so tried calling my sister who didn’t answer!  I knew I had little time to say it before my mind told me everything would work out and stop me.  So my friend online called me and I broke down on the phone crying explaining what was happening. It felt like a huge burden had been lifted off me I felt like I was finally beating my mind at its tricks!  Then I called my sister and again broke down on the phone crying explaining it to her.  At first she though I just spent the rent money until I explained no I have an addiction I have lost over £3000 in 4 weeks!

 

At this point, my mind tried taking back control telling me it would be ok and to try again to win back my losses.  So I decided no I won’t let my mind win!  Login into facebook I hit the live button and explained I had a gambling addiction!  And that I would beat it!  Now some people say it took courage which it did but to me, that was my way of beating my mind more!  I was so confident I would beat this disease I spoke outloud on a facebook live telling the whole world or those who seen it!  It was public so anyone could see!

 

You see to say it is as simple as just stopping or we just get carried away is wrong!  Gambling addiction is like any other the mind takes control!  Who would have though your mind could do that!  But it really can that just 1 more bet turns into £1000 gone!

 

Think about your gambling do you see signs of addiction?   You are best to say something quickly as soon as the mind is quiet usually after you have just lost all your money available it will stop because it can not tell you just one more bet.  At that point, you need to fight your mind and say it out loud so others hear and beat this disease!

 

Today is day 73 of no gambling for me!  And I will continue to keep fighting my mind and take back control of my life!

 

Mind is now open and 10 weeks gamble free!

So huray I have made it to 10 weeks of no gambling today is exactly day 71!! I feel like I accomplishing things a lot more and not gambling has also made me have a clear mind and realise a  lot of things.

So what have I accomplished in these 10 weeks??  Amazing things yes the beginning was hard and I struggled to even think straight!!   But slowly things started getting better.
I got myself into a routine where I had time to myself and help my mind heal.

I’m not saying it is not still hard!   Picking up one of them magazines with real life stories seeing the full page adverts saying £30 free does make me stop and think.

But I am strong enough and I keep fighting those thoughts.
Other things have came to be clearer I realised how stressed I was.  How easily I was annoyed at the slightest thing.  But most importantly things have became clear.  I have noticed a lot of things that are wrong in my life.  also a lot of things that actually could have pushed me to gamble.
Things are about to change it might take me a few months but these are changing and it will be amazing and help so much.

60 Days Gamble Free Fighting Addiction

If you make it through this blog post read it all that would be amazing! If you shared it would be even more amazing just think you never know who might be on that social media platform who is in the same position I was 60 days ago!  You never know who you could help just by sharing!

 

So today is day 60 of no gambling I was told it is a big deal in any addiction especially gambling and to make sure I celebrate it or at least acknowledge it.  It’s weird, It might be 60 days and to some, it seems like a lot but to me it doesn’t it seems small insignificant.  But looking back I can see why so today this blog post is a mixture.  It will be a bit about before I realized and admitted to my addiction and about the last 60 days how I overcame them when so many fail and gamble again.

But looking back I can see why so today this blog post is a mixture.  It will be a bit about before I realized and admitted to my addiction and about the last 60 days how I overcame them when so many fail and gamble again.

So why am I doing this?  Because since I opened my eyes and realized I wanted to make a change even if it was to just one person’s life!  I wanted to share my story, raise awareness and hopefully help someone else.  I decided that that first day when I broke down and felt like I had lost everything.

So I started gambling years ago like 8 to be exact nothing big started out in a local bingo hall, looking back now though I understand the amount of money I spent on them nights was a sign I was addicted before even becoming addicted!

I would play online bingo but not much then soon after slots using the same site but again not much money.

Then things turned around 3 years ago and I started playing on other websites.  That year I spent £883.73 online that is not including scratch cards I would buy weekly or should I say daily or local bingo halls I visited!  Doesn’t seem like much?  Let’s say I spent £10 on scratch cards a week.  Sometimes it would be more seen as I would often buy ones that were £10 but its an average I can only guess!  That would add £520 plus then let’s say 2 trips to bingo a month I would spend on average £70 a night not including drinks or food just on gambling that would add £840 all together £2243.73 roughly some weeks I would spend £30 on scratch cards or more!

So 2015 online I spent £6468.50 online!  I went from under £1000 in the first year to over £6000 in the second! Just online so let’s say triple the scratch cards and bingo from the first year it would add up to £10,548.50 roughly! In the second year! I don’t even know how I could afford that!  And that is just 2015.

 

Now 2016, £9,744.78 online say £4000 offline although probably more let’s say 15k in 2015!  When you think of it like that it is a lot at the time it was not it was £20 lost it add another £20 lost it add another £20 until in a few hours goodbye £300!

 

2017 in like 19 days I spent nearly £1000 imagine if in January this year I had not woken up and realized what was happening.

 

So that is how things led up from spending maybe £10 a month on gambling to over £1000.

So that night I realized I broke down!  Who did I have I could talk to or trust I had to tell someone no one knew no one all all I reached out to two people I felt I could talk to one been family the person I knew would push me to tell my dad which I knew I needed and someone I felt I could talk to who believe it or not I only knew online through business but I felt I could rely on her.

That night I broke down and said everything it felt like a relief but at the same time, I knew I had a huge battle to fight.  I then decided I would not hide my story I would not pretend everything was fine and I got together what small tiny amount of strength I had to reach out and talk on facebook on a live video so there was no way of going back!

facebook.png

 

I had a choice hide and pretend to everyone things were perfect like most people do on facebook or tell everyone.  Yes, I was ashamed but at the same time.  I knew that someone somewhere would see my video and possibly reach out for help and that is all I wanted!

Afterward, things got hard, I went to doctors and got help for depression, anxiety, and OCD.  I had to battle with the doctors to get them to help and on my first visit I actually got laughed at. The doctor said I just needed a hobbie to mask the illnesses followed by a laugh and him saying “Obviously not gambling” I obviously left feeling deflated and ignored but still battled on booked another appointment for another doctor and had a better outcome that time.

 

The 60 days have been hard, Yes I have had thoughts about gambling I often get the common one “If I just put £20 on I could win” When that didn’t work my brain tried another way “Going to bingo isn’t the same I wasn’t addicted to that” But deep down I knew I was.  Then as time passed it was “It’s been ages since you gambled you would defintly win this time if you did”

 

Still not getting me to gamble, I have dreams! Yes dreams you would think just thoughts and emotions but no dreams as well.  The first was of me actually gambling online watching the reels spin and winning it gave me that feeling the high which it wanted so I would wake up and gamble.  But I didn’t you see that is how gambling is awful in life you win and lose all the time your taking risks all the time.  The feelings associated with them wins, loses and risks is what can trigger gambling again because they are the same feelings you get gambling.  That is why every day in life it is a battle no matter if it is day 1 day 60 or you are at 3 years of no gambling every day you get that feeling you got when you gambled!

 

Since going live on facebook and starting this blog I have had several women come to me and open up about having a addicition to gambling and thanking me for sharing my story and making them see.  That is all I want!  to help others and make them see before it spirals out of control like I did.

 

So you might be like me but thinking no I am not addicted.  Do this and I bet you will see.  If it is online look at the websites you gamble on add up how much you have gambled this month, Then last month, then the month before and so on.  Average uk household will gamble £3.20 a week!  So lets say £15 a month not much right how much more are you gambling?  You can probally even work it out if you spend offline quiet easily if you really wanted to!

Gambling is awful it draws you in and in the end only the casino wins. Not you I thought I had won several times but looking and how much I spent I lost a lot!  I seen it not long after I admitted to my addiction on a mums group on facebook!  Why the admin let it go on for hours I do not know but the signs where all there of them becoming addicted!

 

Refere a friend if they deposit £10 you get £10! If you joined and lost £10 walk away don’t draw others in in a bid to try get another £10 to spend!  If you can’t afford to put that £10 on walk away! Unfortunatly I bet a lot of them young mums will now be sucked in and addicted all because one person wanted to try get a bit more money to gamble!  I obvously stepped in and said something with no avril to be told I won’t get addicted by every single one of them!  I just though I used to say that even a day before saying I was addicted I said to myself I am not addicted!

 

So if you could share this please do!  You have no idea who is on your facebook, twittter, instagram or whatever that might in stuck and get some help by this!

 

If you are reading this please reach out to anyone even a stranger!  But it is always best to tell someone you know will force and push you to tell others so you do not hide!  I get asked why I did a live on facebook it was to raise awareness but also so I then knew if I went back and gambled I would then have to go onto facebook and do a live and tell everyone!  That I do not want to have to do!

What made you depressed?  Gamble?  My story to explain part 2

So in the last part I went into my upbringing.  I spoke about what I saw, heard and watched growing up.  I explained how I lost the only person who I truly felt understood me that I could talk to and I was never taught about love.
Was I loved?? Sure but been loved simply is not enough growing up.  Kids need to be cuddled kissed and spoken to reassured that things will be OK and taught about love.

Unfortunately for me that was not the case I can’t remember a time my mum actually cuddled or kissed me and said she loved me.  I do remember my dad saying it before I went to bed.

So what happened next?   I realised I was not in love and cancelled the wedding left my finance and was with someone else who made me feel loved.  I was pregnant and had to say goodbye to the most important person in my life.
My son was born on April 18th 2006 he was my world.  My partner and mum was with me but even having my son I still had that space missing inside me.

I moved into my own house with my son and partner to say it was hard would be a lie it was awful my first ever time living alone with a baby.  Yes I had my partner but been young as well he didn’t really help.  I didn’t live near my family we moved close to his so he could be near his family.  Which meant I was stuck in, I struggled to go out with my son.  Feeling isolated and depressed I was so glad when we had issues with the house and I moved back to my dad’s.

But it certainly was not that simple.  You see my sister lived at home with my dad along with my other sister and her 2kids plus my little brother.  So a 3 bedroom house shared between 8 of us was not easy.  But that didn’t even cover the other issues overcrowded yes.  How about drinking??  I mean this was my family right so you can guarantee there was a lot of parties and drinking.
And of course with my family where drink and parties are involved you have to expect arguments and fights.  It was not something I wanted my son to be brought up around or seeing.
I didn’t drink and believed it was a bad thing him seeing what I had to growing up.

So again I moved this time my partner moved in again but soon after we split.  So again living miles away from my own family I became depressed.  Lonely I needed to find some friends.  There was so many websites out there for mums.  I was on Facebook and netmums but honestly netmums was hard!! 
So I created my own website for mums and soon it was featured in a magazine.  A few of the ladies including myself booked a family holiday together!!   Yes 4 complete strangers their kids and partners well not mine cause I didn’t have one went on holiday together it was amazing.

I soon got back with my partner and in 2010 I got pregnant it was a hard pregnancy I developed ocd heart issues anemia then on 3rd February 2011 we where blessed with twin girls. The labour was hard it was actually a my mum and sister with me until there was complications.  So afterwards my mum would not come to my other births because it was apparently to hard for her to see how close I was to losing them.

They changed my world hard is a understatement but 100% worth every second even to this day they are perfect.

I felt great then on 20th may 2012 we had another girl.  I was on labour around 30 minutes before see arrived with only my sister there for support.

Now things got worse, I struggled to get out the house my partner was no help.  I had 3 kids aged 1 and under plus a 6 year old I felt anxious like everyone everywhere was looking at me judging me.  I ended up going to school and back and nothing else.  I worked online but still felt isolated no family came to see me no one rang to see how I was doing I felt alone.
Then again in 2014 I had another girl.

She was perfect more then prefect!!  The pregnancy was a battle I suffered heart palpitations, needed blood transfusions, iron infusions but she made it and so did I.
Labour started early hours of 15/03/2014 I couldn’t believe it I rang my sister who was meant to be my birthing partner to tell me her and my mum had been out drinking and ring back later.

Sat there with my partner I cried in panic no one could go with me he couldn’t leave the kids.  So a ambulance was sent first the fast response arrived 10 minutes after my waters broke then a few minutes later the ambulance arrived.
Getting to the hospital I didn’t get taken to the labour ward.  Yes I was in labour but they insisted on me going to the assessment unit where they then said I couldn’t be moved and would have her there! 
Amazingly me by myself with 2 strangers I delivered my perfect 8lb 9Oz daughter crying with relief. After she arrived I realised something it was my nanas birthday.  In tears of joy an hour later my mum and sister arrived saying I should have called!   I did but how great would that look having two drunk people with you in labour.
They where talking about names and I had to even tell my mum you realise what today is don’t you and I had to tell her it was her own mothers birthday!   My precious baby was born in my nanas birthday it felt amazing and like a sign from her.
Obviously I struggled more 5 kids and 4 where aged 3 and under.  But I loved it I thought I was coping so well.
That was until January this year when I realised I had a gambling addiction.  My anxiety ocd and depression was just hidden or masked by my addiction I was not doing well at all but honestly I would never change it for the  world.

What made you depressed? Gamble? I guess here is my story to explain Part One

I honestly do not understand how people expect anyone to know that answer?

What made you depressed?  Well if I could pick I would choose but I can’t and you can not know exactly what made you depressed.

 

What made you Gamble?  Well that one is easier it was the depression, anxiety, ocd, loneliness, lack of friends, lack of support, feeling unwanted, feeling unloved, Stuck in the house shall I carry on?  Again its hard to pin point but with gambling it would have been a mixture of everything.

Another questions I get asked “Why didn’t you speak to someone I am sure you had someone who would listen?”  This question will be answered below!

 

So lets go back in time before I had kids, before I gambled and before I became depressed.  I am one of 7 kids, It was great growing up at first.  However like all families ours had issues.  At around 8 years old we moved and between the age of 8 and 13 we actually moved a total of 11 times!

 

To start with we where the family who did not sit in someones house until told, No going out the garden, Must be able to be seen from the window at all times the usual.  We respected our elders, Went to church everything.  But trying to make a family perfect does not stop it flaws and does not make it perfect.  My siblings started drinking, Drugs, having kids etc.  Growing up I seen fights, woke to things been smashed people shouting.  Doors banging, Police sirens everything.

Coming home after school to find people in the garden drinking, Drinking until all hours with music on loud.  In several house fires, Watch as a car is drove through our neighbors fence and police chasing the family member through our house. Carrying out blankets and pillows from our mums house to our dads to stay the night.  Living in a hostel and acting like we didn’t go round the corner to meet our dad because if the owners knew they would throw us out!  It was a women’s only hostel.  Been sat down and told to choose if I wanted to stay living with my mum or move and live with my dad.  Learning a lot of things on your own because you was forgotten about.  Watching as someone stamped on your pet hamsters and threw them against the wall laughing!  Having to be escorted out your home by police riot vans because people wanted to burn it down with us in it!

 

Life certainly was not easy after the age of 5 or 6, The things I remember can have me in tears for hours if I allowed it to!  I remember that day my parents split up perfectly.  The night before as usual arguing, fighting shouting etc.  The next day my sisters birthday my dad in our room cuddling us crying and apologizing. Explaining why we had to move to a hostel and saying he would make it up to my sister for ruining her birthday.  Everyone in the family went off course, drugs, drink, skipping school, police, pregnancy.  You name it I have seen most things.

 

I remember I had a cat, which unfortunately got pregnant after having kittens.  I remember they where meant to take them and dump them somewhere to be found but no instead the cruel torture happened.  Laughing as they attempted to drawn the kittens and because it did not work snapping their necks.  Followed by one coming through the room and shaking the bag in front of me.  I was about 15 what was I meant to do? I had not had any support for years.  I had only one person I could truly talk to.  Going through my periods I was alone again no one to turn to.  School work started dropping, losing concentration unable to sleep at night.

So my escape the person I could speak to was my Nana, I would go on my news round to earn money for sanity towels, etc then spend time with my Nana,  She lived in a complex for elderly people who had their own little flats with the cords for help.  Morning check in’s etc.  I was not allowed to sleep over but often the warden when she did catch me she did not say anything.  She just gave my Nana the look of now what has happened and sympathy knowing what was happening.  She got used to me sleeping there.

 

I built a strong bond with my Nana in that time, She was the person I was closet to.  At 17 I met someone, Stupidly got engaged.  Paid loads off a wedding dress everything!  My nana met him and as always would laugh and call him names for not been Scottish.  I honestly though I was in love!  I mean how would I know?  Yes I was loved by my parents and siblings but never shown love, never taught about love.  So yes I made mistakes yes I got engaged at just 17!  But then I meet someone else.

 

I am not proud of it but rather then breaking up with my partner I started seeing this other guy.  There was something there it was different.  With my partner it was more I wanted to feel loved and that I needed to feel like I was wanted.

With this new guy I actually felt loved, needed, and wanted.  I realized at that moment I did not love him  and had no idea what to do but knew I had to break up with him and cancelling the whole wedding.

 

It certainly was not easy at all and a few months later I found out I was pregnant.  I was grateful I felt like I was losing control of my life like I was about to follow the rest of my siblings on the long road to failure and mistakes.

I remember the last time I seen my nana she was living with my aunty I was around 4 months pregnant and remember how weak she was.  Sat with her alone it was like old times talking to her.  She asked me if I was happy now and before I replied she said “You do not need to answer I can see you are”  Even now it brings tears to my eyes the fact she knew while I was engaged in the previous relationship that I was not happy she supported me and just waited for me to go to her for support.

She kept rubbing my stomach telling me my prince would keep me going.  Telling me to stay strong and everything would turn out right.  At the time I didn’t get it her rubbing my stomach telling me my prince would keep me going.  It was only a few days later when I truly realized what she meant!  She was saying good bye, She was telling me my son would help me through her death.

Because on the 28th November 2005, I woke up to a call.  I had stayed at my partner that night and when I woke that morning and heard them words my whole world crumbled!  Getting myself up and making my way to my dads I could not stop myself from crying.  At the bus station waiting for the second bus my ex seen me.  It was the strangest but most comforting thing.  He asked how my nana was when I told him at first he didn’t believe me but then realized I meant it.  It was what I needed I had to tell someone because I didn’t want to hold it in and he knew just how close I was to my Nana.

 

That night I laid there and that is when I realized what my Nana had been telling me.  She was saying good bye, I had not seen her in around 3 months because of how far away she moved.  That was her last goodbye to me.  Reminding me that I had my son to get me through it and it certainly helped!

 

I remember going to see her at the morgue to say a final good by and kiss her good night. It would feel weird never seeing her again, Never hearing her jokes about English folk.  Never having her to turn to for help support or just someone who knew me so well.

 

 

So when people ask me this is why I felt like I had no one to talk to!  This is why I did not show my feelings for so many years and how so much got out of control so quickly!  This is part one of two the second part I will post tonight.

 

This here is my wonderful Nana my best friend and no one will ever make me feel how she did.  Amazingly in 2014 on her birthday I gave birth to a baby girl!

In memory of Helen O’Donnell 15/03/1920-28/11/2005

nana

 

 

Women more likely to become addicted to gambling then 5 years ago 

So I’m going to be honest,  when people hear of gambling addictions they think of men and bookies.  People automatically put gambling addiction in that setting because let’s be honest it used to be men who would become addicted not women.
Women didn’t gamble often yet men did.  You see it in films and on TV all the time men sat placing bets on horses, football and other sports.  It’s very rare you will see one where the focus is a women gambling but the truth is the number has rose so much.
A news article in the independent had one women Liz Karter Author of book women and problem gambling and an addiction therapist said.
“I am seeing a lot of young professional women come forward now -which I wouldn’t have seen five years ago.  I see it as it is a growing problem.  More and more women are suffering from depression and anxiety and I have worked with women who have chosen gambling over anti-depressants”

Booking shops where created in a way to pull men in and make it out to be a man’s game at the start which excluded women.  Then they opened online bingo and gambling which was to target women at home.
So what do I think?   I have to agree, men love the buzz of talking with friends even strangers about placing a bet in winning they get into it for the buzz of telling people.
Women however get into it to escape life mostly relationships.  They don’t tend to tell people much about winning and often enough they also don’t tell friends or partners they are joining a gambling site.  You don’t often hear a women say I’m going to go put £20 online slots but you do hear men saying I’m going to the bookies or I’m going to put a bet on.
As women gamble and are addicted they lose confidence they go out less and forget about friendships.  Women love to play games without much skill they often get referred to as escape gamblers.  Meaning we are more likely to be drawn to machines based on luck to distract ourselves from personal life.
Why are most of the women who are getting addicted to gambling under 35?  Well there is a few factors in my eyes.  

Typically a women over 35 will have required a good job role with friends from both work and social life.  Their relationships will be stronger as they have been together longer.  When they decide to have kids. Friends are settled down and stay friends.  With a large support network they begin a new amazing chapter in their life.
Now women under 35 they may have a good job.  But most still have school friends as friends.  When one gets pregnant it is easy for them to be forgot especially the younger they are.  Imagine  a 18 year old having a child.  I can as I did I have friends but soon they drifted away because they didn’t have kids.  Still going out in weekends, university etc they didn’t want to be sat with a mum complaining about lack of sleep.
So the mum gets depressed doesn’t socialise as much and online gambling is her new best friend it makes her forget about her life the no friends and depressed part leave her while she’s spinning them reels.

Now I’m not saying it’s just mums cause it certainly isn’t a lot of factors come into it.  leaving college and unable to follow friends to university, friends going traveling but you are unable to afford it.  Working long hours to just scrape by while others get twice your wage for doing nothing.
Women suffer from depression and other mental illnesses,  this is a big factor in it.  
People need to step out of the state of men gamble more so are more at risk.  They need to stop making online gambling appeal to those who are weak like I was.  Just like depression we need to show that men also suffer from it.
This world has enough bad in it without people feeling like they can not come forward because society tries to say it isn’t as bad as it would be if your a man.
Truth is gambling addictions in women has risen drastically and that is just the figures from those coming forward for help.  No matter what the addiction no matter what sex, age, race or religion you shouldn’t feel like it won’t be taken serious because they don’t fit the norm.
Gambling addictions should be made more aware for everyone.  The issue with these online sites??  They promote women playing,  you see a women getting excited waiting for that last number before shouting bingo!!   You see the games kittens, chocolate, cute animals all that attract women.  There is even bingo sites with women and pink and Queen in the names.
To me company’s are doing this because they found our weakness they found out that women gamble a lot as well and become addicted quickly.  They use that to make money and assume because they have the responsible gambling on their sites it makes it fine!   I will tell you now it certainly does not!! 
Not once while I was depositing £300-£1000 a week did they reach out and suggest there may be a addiction.  Just looking at my accounts you could clearly see i was fit years.  That is the difference between online and bookies.  Online no one cares it’s a  computer doing the work while people sit back and watch people become addicted lose money while it goes on their pockets.
A bookies is known to have suggested to regulars they may have addiction.  they do not stop them betting but give them advice to look into it.
This right here is what got me addicted!! 

38 days gamble free date night and new hair cut 

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So yesterday for the first time in ages me and my partner had a date night or rather date afternoon.  With 5 kids the only time we get together alone is when the kids are in bed.  Which normally means I’m out cold just as fast as they are.
It was lovely we went into town and had a walk along the canal followed by a pub for a  drink.  It was amazing how relaxed and happy I felt in those three hours.

So today is day 38 of not gambling seems like it’s more like month 38 while it feels like it’s gone quick it also has gone slow.  But every day I feel better and more like I’m achieving something new.

Today I cut my hair.  It was down to my hips but so damaged from my OCD I never felt comfortable outside without a hat on.
Just see this video to see just how short some bits where because of my OCD.

So I decided on a style I  chose this one or as similar as possible with my hair been damaged.


As she cut the hair I watched it drop to the floor I honestly thought I would feel sad or anxious but no in actually felt happy and relaxed.  I didn’t feel like I needed to hide under a hat any more.


I mean I would wear the hat every where and feel anxious if I couldn’t find it.   When the time came to go outside I would panic if it wasn’t where I thought it was thinking I can’t go outside without my hat.
Well here is the start project

And my end project

I honestly love it and I don’t feel like people are staring wondering why my hair looked so bad even wearing a hat you could see the damage on the longer parts.
I am now also booked into a 6 week course for therapy.  They will help with my anxiety first because that is the worst out of the depression and ocd.
Things are starting to look up.  And I can not wait to reach 2 months gamble free!!

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