Another battle for little Mia

She seems to take everything in her stride, life throws so much crap at Mia and at the age of 7, she has experienced a lot.  She is still her usually cheeky happy self though!

So Mia has always suffered from lung problems, collapsed lungs, severe asthma and has been minutes away from doctors putting her on Life support.

She is the poorly one out of the Twins and since around 4 weeks old been in and out of hospital.

While Elysa her twin was walking Mia was still not crawling, While Elysa could talk Mia could not.  Mia learnt to count to 20 Mia struggled to count to 5.

Now Mia is 7, and in year 2, she was 4 months ago working towards the level Reception are when they go into year one.

A few months ago she formed Trich, she is pulling her hair out a lot so has to wear a bandana to school.


Now this is to try stop her pulling at school, however we learnt she is taking it off certain times during the day to pull her hair!

Last night parents evening was a disaster, the teacher said straight we are seriously concerned regarding Mia, we know she has the hair condition however she is regressing, she isn’t moving forward with her work shes going backwards.  When she was asked what 2 more then 3 was she genuinely looked confused when a few weeks ago not a problem.

Her writing is going backwards, her reading and spellings as well, for some reason everything she has learnt is slowly leaving her 😦 The teacher explained she no longer sits still, she fidgets, she can’t keep quiet and often sits and plays with anything at her table distracting others.

It seems she is the one child who is getting everything thrown at her.  It is amazing, how one twin can be so Amazing, Elysa’s teacher had nothing bad to say just praise, how amazing she is, she read me her own story she wrote in class and clearly is a very well advanced girl.  She is a little girl who will sit and explain things to children struggling in class and help the teacher!

So more appointments for Mia, she already gets seen so many times now she has got yet another issue to contend with when we find out what the illness is.

Here is a video of her hair being dried you can see the bald patches better this way.

Exhausted, Worn out and A Mess

That is me right now, exhausted, worn out, and a mess.  Today has been one of those days where it is one struggle after another.

One good thing ten crazy bad things, it is expected with five kids though, but this month always gets to me, every march I feel more down then I normally would.

So this me, laid in bed putting on a filter cause I look so bad!  Filters always help no matter how worn down you are.28537759_1971724676488692_1434710049_n


So I am just sat here in bed, thinking, reflecting and wondering.  Like most parent’s do when all the children are asleep.  I often look around me and wonder is this it?  Is this my life I now am living for the next 20-30 years.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids and would not trade them for any other life, but I wonder how things got to this, got to me been sat alone every night, me been the one and only one cleaning every second of the day but the house never looks clean, me been the only one to ever cook and often cooking but never eating myself.

The 15th of March, is my daughters birthday, while it is a happy day, it is also a sad day.  It is my Nana’s birthday, and thinking about it always makes me sad that she is no longer here.  I have my daughter as a constant reminder, a blessing and just pure joy that she was born on her birthday.  However, it still makes that date and around it hard.


Enough of my dwelling on, I figured I would give a update because I have been so out of touch!

So here are our two new editions.  Mocha and Peanut the guinea pigs with my daughter Mia.  They are very loved, and settled and part of our family now.



So leading from this picture.  Here is a update on Mia, doctors said she has trichotillomania and it is possibly physiological.  So there is a battle I am facing her hair is slowly growing back on top where she was nearly bald.  However, that does not stop her pulling out fresh hair and old hair again.

I mean her hair reminds me of a young child’s where only the back can go up.  The top is to short.  Or only the top can as the sides are too short.  This is what her hair reminds me of.  It makes me cry when I look at pictures, seeing her beautiful hair gone and all different lengths.


Snowmeggaddon A few pictures, this is the first snow day we have had where all the kids could go out and play.  Typically Mia is to ill, she was okay this year so took the opportunity to grab loads of photos.  Over 100 so I won’t throw them all at you, even Marshmallow enjoyed his first taste of snow!

To end it, my book is doing good, it reached top 10 today in an Amazon chart.  I had a lot, of negative criticism from people who had not even read the book, or the sample!  Just people clearly wanting to push me down.  I didn’t let it, the reviews and sales speak volumes, had they been right the reviews would reflect it.

So part 2 will be available soon, however I am in the process of making a poetry book.  From child to adult where poems from when I was a child to now are in it.  Poems that reflect how I felt, what happened in my life, and emotions I went through as a child and adult.

I would love to thank everyone who has been reading this past week and will continue to especially this month when things become the most difficult.

Number 8!  Go me!


I realise.

It has been so long since I wrote about family, health and everything else.

This needs to change, I have 5 wonderful children and a very hectic and messy life.  Having one child is crazy enough so 5 is over the top manic!

With all the snow we had the kids played outside.  That was fun, I was freezing yet somehow the kids where crawling around the floor laughing, and rolling in the snow.  How is that even possible?

I forgot to update!  We have 2 new pets, yes the family of 7. 5 kids, 1 mum and 1 dog has now gone to 9 because we now have 2 guinea pigs!


Goodbye Old Life Hello New

Many tears have been shed and I will never get those tears back so much time wasted that I have lost forever.  I tried for years to be independent and show I did not need anyone.  I did amazing, I then slipped and tried getting close to family.


The results was heartbreak, tears, upset, fights and depression.  I wasted time I won’t get back when it was clearly years ago I would never get a foot in and actually feel at home.


So today is my start my new year!  No more family just my kids no more hassle no more been taken for a fool and treated like rubbish.


My focus is my children, my business bargain bizarre and myself.  No one at all matter if you do not fit into those 3 things your in my old life.  I no longer have time for that life.  I have no tears left over for that life.


Sometimes it takes walking into a situation to realise how very wrong it is for you and your children.  I lost sight of what was important, I was chasing a family I would never get, I was chasing what everyone else in the family seems to have that I don’t, I was chasing something that is impossible to reach.


As I chased and wasted time I forgot about what matters, Me and my kids our lives ourselves no one else.  I lost myself I don’t recognise the person I am looking at there was a time I would stand up for myself and speak my mind but I sat quiet and just let people fool me.


Today is the end of my old life, tomorrow is the start of my new one and the people who matter and are in it are under my roof right now.


I am back or am I?

Writing is my way to escape, it is my way of getting out my emotions and how I feel but often it ends in tears and usually mine.

Things have happened and life has been hard the past few months.  I have had struggles after struggles and at times felt like there was no one there I could turn to.  I am wondering now is this life for me? It seems when things are going a little good or starting to look good there is someone there waiting to push me back down and usually people you should be able to trust.

What is life if there is no one here who cares? What is life if there is people who are meant to care just wanting to cause you harm?

I am lucky I have my kids, they are the only ones keeping me going when I just want to quit!  I just want to say I have had enough of all your shit!  Of trying to be part of the family of trying to fit in somewhere when I don’t!

I’m like a outsider you see I am looking in and can’t find a way in I can try yes but there is never a way in.  I never truly feel like there is a place for me no matter how hard I try to.

Where do I fit in?  It is not here I don’t fit in I look like the odd piece of the puzzle that was not meant to be in the box.  Nothing in common with anyone, no way of fitting in I can keep trying yes but what is the point?  What is the point of hurting myself time and time again to be left on the shelf and forgotten about?


See I often sit and wonder, what if just what if I drank every day?  What if I caused so much trouble family had to come running?  What if I started doing stupid things so family flocked around me?  Yes I would get noticed, yes I would get invited to parties, yes I would get more visitors.


Then I realised doing that would make me fit in but in doing so I would lose myself I would lose what makes me different, I would be just like them and at some point someone else will feel like me and be stood on the outside looking in.


My kids are the only things I need in life, it seems even though some people can push and push and push you and take you for granted so much that when you finally do snap you are then looked at bad yes what they did was wrong but apparently finally saying the truth and standing up for yourself makes you get pushed further out.


My kids were the only one’s there the last 12 years and it seems that is how it will stay.


A Child Angel Looking Out For Children

How can I describe it?  How can anyone possibly describe a 6 year old trying to make sick kids happy?


How can anyone explain how amazing it is for a 6year old to offer her Christmas presents to sick children?


My daughter is truly amazing!  What she is doing won’t change the world but it shows people there is good out there!  It inspires others to do things better in life!


If a 6 year is willing to not watch television for two weeks to raise money to give sick kids in hospital Christmas eve boxes why can’t everyone do something nice?


It makes me cry it really does I am blessed with 5 wonderful children and she just totally melts my heart she does everything for others she is so caring and loving!  She wrote this letter she wants to get copied and send to all the kids in hospital at Christmas.  Translation below it.




Yes you might notice a spelling mistake or two especially with the word Pennies where she writes Penis but she tried!  So here is what her letter says.


Dear Children.

I hope you feel better soon. I am Elysa I raised money to make you Christmas boxes.  If you do not get a box it is because I didn’t get enough PENNIES so let me know and I will send you one of my presents.

Lots Of Love Elysa.


Amazing right?  A 6year old willing to give her Christmas presents away!  I explained to her it will cost a lot more then £500 to make enough boxes for all the kids in hospital.  And there will be a few hundred that won’t receive boxes.  So it won’t be possible to give every child a present from hers this year!

She is truly amazing an inspiration how can this 6 year old not make you want to do good?


Click the image below to see her go fund me page  Even if you can’t donate you can share right?  I mean if a 6year old is willing to give up her Christmas presents why can you not hit share?



Lets talk about Marshmellow

He is perfect in a way he is like my baby!  Weird I know I have 5 kids and they will always be my babies but now even my youngest who is 3 makes me aware she is not a baby.


So we got marshmellow while I was homeless living at my dads he made the kids so happy and to be honest he made me happy!  So I did not see him I did not go get him!  He was picked up and I got pictures of the puppies available and this is the first picture I seen and I could not say no!  He was like a bundle of fluff!



The kids got attached and over the months he has grown he is spoilt totally I get all his food from tails here is a look feel free to take a look they are amazing they make food based on your dogs breed size and even diet!  If a dog has allergies they work to provide something that is safe but still gives them then best nutrient’s for their age. click here


Here is some more pictures of Marshmellow’s life so far.


Sorry to my followers

I have not been on in so long I felt like I had nothing interesting to talk about.  Like I was wasting people’s time posting on the blog to start reading and not enjoy what I blog about.


So what has happened?  I can not even remember my last blog post I had to look the last one was about dating sites, the one before about parents who run away from their children and what they miss!


So at the time of my last post I was homeless with my 5 kids living at my dads house.  I found it hard to come on to talk things were not easy.  It never would be going back home especially trying to squeeze yourself and 5 kids into 2 bedrooms.

We got a puppy a gorgeous Lhasa Apso that we called Marshmellow it was the better name it was either that or Pikachu lol I will do a new blog post just on this little guy!



So in August there was a knock at my dads door from a women from the local council offering me a house! I would have taken any house like seriously I needed my own space.  So I got everything I needed and went straight to the housing office and booked to view the house the next day.  The next day I viewed the house with the intention to take it no matter what.  I was shocked it was lovely, All the rooms decorated minus the bathroom, and a bit of painting needed in the kitchen.

Only issue?  The living room is tiny which I can live with but now realising where will my Christmas tree go?  The small bedroom is small you get a bed in there and a set of draws and nothing else and even then you can’t open the door fully!


But it was perfect so I took it there and then I said yes I signed for it the next day I got the keys and started moving my stuff in straight away.

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So we moved in and got settled in I bought a new table!  Kids first Breakfast and sunday dinner in the house!



Instantly I felt better things change everything change my attitude I again had hope.

Living at my dads my businesses suffered a lot I am still trying to get them up and running.  I will be doing a blog post about them so please share if your able to!


I am still gamble free.  Every now and then a advert on facebook for Double Bubble slot game will pop up and it will remind me how quickly I could win it makes me think maybe I should try again and that I won’t keep going I can stop!  But fact is I don’t want to throw away 10 months!  10 Months of not gambling I vowed this year the kids would be spoilt 100%  everything that they have been through they deserve it.  I need to make up for my failings and cuddling kissing and loving them is enough but to me It does not feel like enough.


Sophia bless she is only three she saved up all her pocket money any pennies I gave her or that others gave her.  She saved up over £100 to buy herself this lovely doll house!



Live has changed so much and for the better I feel more in control of my life like before I was not controlling my life things around me where.


So things are going great!  I am happier things are finally looking better.

What run away parents don’t experience. 

This is something so close to me right now seeing my kids go through it is heart breaking.
It has been over a month since we moved.   That is exactly how long it has been since the kids seen their dad. 
In that month he’s rang them once not asked how they are or anything.  
If your a mum or dad and have walked away from your child no matter what age they are here’s some things you need to know your not seeing. 
Remember this you are the first man or women to break your child’s heart.   You might not think of it that way but imagine knowing your parent didn’t love you!! It would break anyone’s heart However you have broke your own child’s heart not a crush their own parent!!
You don’t see them nights when your baby girl is crying out for her daddy while her mummy knowing he doesn’t care is saying he’s busy and working.
You dont see those days your son comes out of class with a daddy and son day poster asking why his dad can not come.
You dont see your child grow up wondering day to day what that parent is doing and why they don’t care. 
You dont see the excitement on your child’s face when mummy says daddy is coming followed by tears because daddy cancelled. 
There is so much you don’t see that you cause!! You may think we tell our kids you don’t care when infact we don’t we make excuses for you been absent so they don’t know you didn’t love them.
However one day you also miss them never asking about you again getting over the heartbreak and moving on.
We try our hardest to make them think you want to see them but can’t but eventually they realise on their own they was unwanted. 
You don’t see their first day at school, their first exams, first crush, high school, but more importantly their second heart break!
But they have something to thank you for.   They thank you for walking away showing them you didn’t care and making their hearts break but grow up to be stronger and never wanting to hurt their own children in that way. 
Just remember these children owe you nothing so do not come back in years when they are grown up to meet your grandchildren. 

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