You taught me wrong

So young and fragile I learnt from you
Watching as you do I grew to learn to do it too
I learnt to drink, to the point of oblivion
Where you pass out so drunk, you smash your head
You body giving in, as you wet yourself
You taught me how to drink to the blink of death
I learnt how to smoke, until I cough and splutter
Where in old age, you struggle for breath
Yet you need that cigarette to get through the day
You taught me how to smoke, and fill myself
I learnt how to take drugs, until I become addicted
I learnt how to roll the paper into a small ball
Putting it in a glass of water and drinking it all
Until my body gave in, relaxed and felt free
You taught me how to take drugs, and become addicted
I learnt how to cause a fight, for no reason at all
Hitting and kicking, now caring who I hurt at all
A menacing laugh, you taught me so well
A fight I could never do, it isn’t within myself
You taught me how to fight, and bring upon death
I learnt how to stay quiet, hidden away and shy
The world around me poisonous and wanting to tear me down
The abuse I witnessed still strong within my mind
Those days I hid crying, waiting for it to end
You taught me how to run and hide from the demons outside
I learnt how to walk away from my family
Just pack my bags and walk like they don’t exist
No second thoughts for how they were coping
No thoughts at all if my children were starving
You taught me how to walk away and abandon my family
You taught me things I didn’t need to survive life
Yet those things you taught me, helped me survive
They taught me what way was not right
My mind looking at your teaching and realising I don’t want that life
You never taught me to cuddle
I don’t embrace my own child
I feel detached from my emotions like I can’t open up
I can’t cuddle without feeling my body stiffen up
You never taught me how to cuddle, my body hides from those cuddles
You never taught me about love
I know he loves me yet I say he doesn’t
My mind telling me he walk away just like you
My doubt in my mind, caused by not knowing about love
You never taught me how to love, my mind can’t accept love
You never taught me how to show emotion
I cover and hide when asked a simple question
My mind closes off, my mind runs and hides
The shouting scares me, I only know how to hide
I should stand up, but I can’t my knees are weak
They clank together like spoons, because I can’t show my anger
You never taught me to show emotion, now I feel like a robot
You never taught me how to talk
A simple question and I feel stuck
Selective Mutism? No that would be easier
I want to talk and open up, but you never taught me how to open up
I hear the question and I know the response
Yet I would rather walk away and send a message then say it out loud
You never taught me how to talk, only to stay quiet and hide the truth from the world
You never taught me to defend myself, I would rather hide
I cower away at raised voices, at someone disagreeing
I know I am right, but I can’t stand up and I say it
I stand there and take their abuse hoping I can survive it
You never taught me to defend myself, my mind is to weak and damaged to defend itSo young and fragile I learnt from you
Watching as you do I grew to learn to do it too
I learnt to drink, to the point of oblivion
Where you pass out so drunk, you smash your head
You body giving in, as you wet yourself
You taught me how to drink to the blink of death
I learnt how to smoke, until I cough and splutter
Where in old age, you struggle for breath
Yet you need that cigarette to get through the day
You taught me how to smoke, and fill myself
I learnt how to take drugs, until I become addicted
I learnt how to roll the paper into a small ball
Putting it in a glass of water and drinking it all
Until my body gave in, relaxed and felt free
You taught me how to take drugs, and become addicted
I learnt how to cause a fight, for no reason at all
Hitting and kicking, now caring who I hurt at all
A menacing laugh, you taught me so well
A fight I could never do, it isn’t within myself
You taught me how to fight, and bring upon death
I learnt how to stay quiet, hidden away and shy
The world around me poisonous and wanting to tear me down
The abuse I witnessed still strong within my mind
Those days I hid crying, waiting for it to end
You taught me how to run and hide from the demons outside
I learnt how to walk away from my family
Just pack my bags and walk like they don’t exist
No second thoughts for how they were coping
No thoughts at all if my children were starving
You taught me how to walk away and abandon my family
You taught me things I didn’t need to survive life
Yet those things you taught me, helped me survive
They taught me what way was not right
My mind looking at your teaching and realising I don’t want that life
You never taught me to cuddle
I don’t embrace my own child
I feel detached from my emotions like I can’t open up
I can’t cuddle without feeling my body stiffen up
You never taught me how to cuddle, my body hides from those cuddles
You never taught me about love
I know he loves me yet I say he doesn’t
My mind telling me he walk away just like you
My doubt in my mind, caused by not knowing about love
You never taught me how to love, my mind can’t accept love
You never taught me how to show emotion
I cover and hide when asked a simple question
My mind closes off, my mind runs and hides
The shouting scares me, I only know how to hide
I should stand up, but I can’t my knees are weak
They clank together like spoons, because I can’t show my anger
You never taught me to show emotion, now I feel like a robot
You never taught me how to talk
A simple question and I feel stuck
Selective Mutism? No that would be easier
I want to talk and open up, but you never taught me how to open up
I hear the question and I know the response
Yet I would rather walk away and send a message then say it out loud
You never taught me how to talk, only to stay quiet and hide the truth from the world
You never taught me to defend myself, I would rather hide
I cower away at raised voices, at someone disagreeing
I know I am right, but I can’t stand up and I say it
I stand there and take their abuse hoping I can survive it
You never taught me to defend myself, my mind is to weak and damaged to defend it

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