Never Saying Goodbye

Walking away, the feel of loss strong in the air

I knew that would be the last moment I see you fighting

My eyes full, the silent cry within me

Your wise words staying with me until today

Yet while they bring comfort they bring disarray

Those words a warning I would never speak to you again

Your hand placed on my stomach, the feel of my son moving

A smile upon your face, your words escaping

“He will get you through this”

“He will be your strength I am glad I got to see him”

Walking out I tried to say good bye

My heart not allowing as my other grandmother dies

Exploding into pieces as I think of all those times together

You taking on the role of mother, as I came to your for comfort

The happiness when I showed you my ring

The sadness when I cried about how bad life was treating me

The memories of those nights, I stayed with you

The cleaning of the cupboards, the folding of the towels

Each day a treasured memory that can never be replaced

That night I felt it the sensation of loss, my mind unable to close it off

Waking in the morning, the phone call I hated

The one I knew would be the cause of destroying me

Head hanging low, I knew you would go

A hole in my heart that will never be replaced

As your words replay within my mind

He is your strength, yet it doesn’t feel like it

My mind closing off as I try to escape the pain

The loss of you breaking my soul

Going home to be surrounded by family

My body walking and looking like everyone else

Yet inside I am crumbled in a morning crying out loud

My scream of pain and loss heard by only me

I can not let you go no matter how much I try

Your part of my life I never want to goodbye

Saying goodbye, I stood by your coffin

Your face still and relaxed showing your peace

My heart wishing I was there instead of you

I want that peace with you

The pain unbearable, I would give anything to be with you

The only one who mattered now gone

Years have passed by my silence only growing

No one here to talk to, to share those painful memories with

My mind closed off, sharing it with no one

People moving on over the years as if you never existed

Forgetting about the day you passed, your grave never looking fresh

The dead flowers there for months

Why does no one seem to care? Why does no one seem to be there?

You was our strength and our guidance yet when you left they forgot you

My heart still cries daily for you, and I wouldn’t change it

I just wish I had the peace and ability to be with you.

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