At my lowest

Sitting here writing the suicide letter it is my reasons why, It tells why I want to die

It tells you why my life is the way it is and why the only way out is the gun that I hold in my hand

I look around for guidance, for someone to show me the right path

There is to many paths at this crossroad no one can show me which one to take

My life is like a treasure map but there is no treasure there is no X

Each path on it shows misery and pain, betrayal and hurt without the X is no escape

I don’t want to live this life, my soul is crumpled and lying down

It has given up and told me there is no other path to take but the one of suicide

I look at the barrel of the gun and wonder will you care?

When you are told will your heart be filled of hurt and gilt for the pain you caused?

Will it be grateful that you have one less mistake to consider within your life?

Will you be secretly relieved that i have gone, no longer a burden that you never wanted since I was a child

I look around my eyes dry, there is no tears left to cry, my mind wondering what the funeral will be like

Tears and hurt or will you just be glad this is all over?

In those darkest moments, you are there the pain and the hurt

I can’t shake it, it grips me tight and keeps a hold on me

I look around and wonder why, why do I get this life?

Why did my childhood have to be the way it was, why could I not have been katie who was loved and cared for so well

Why was my adulthood so hard, no matter what path I took to try and escape the darkness you keep tracking me down

The darkness spreading and taking a hold, not letting me go and giving me more hurt

The barrel aiming at me, I close my eyes and imagine what it could have been like

If you never changed because we were not the life you wanted

A imagine of my writing within my mind

The beauty that comes for darkness inside

It amazes me how something so dark and scary can become such beautiful words of inspiration.

I realise now I don’t know how much more I can take

The pain is to much to control, it radiates throughout and each time I try to hide you tell me there is only one escape

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3 Comments Add yours

  1. blehblahbloh says:

    Please dont πŸ˜₯

    Like

    1. I am not, I am able to switch from now to when I was at my lowest to write these poems.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. blehblahbloh says:

        Thats really nice to hear πŸ™‚

        Like

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