So, I get asked this a lot.
Are my books like 50 shades of grey?
Now while I am willing to say no, I also have to say yes, they both are sort of love stories, they both involve detailed sex scenes, however, the 50 shades trilogy is not BDSM.
Now been a part of BDSM lifestyle since a young age, there is many issues I found in the books, however I can not fault the author for one thing, one thing she did do that helped.
She got women more active in their sex lives, she got them rattling the beds so to speak however there is a downside to the books, a major downside she has portrayed BDSM all wrong, now those not into BDSM will think no, she has no he is controlling, it involves floggers and blindfolds.
Now let’s look at the parts of the books.
Antastia specifically says Goodbye to Christian, Her words, it was nice knowing you. Now this is the issue, a real Dom would not show up and let himself in a Submissives house, not a chance, they would not. When she goes to her mum’s he follows, now again a Dom would never do that, ever.
So what does that tell people about the lifestyle? that the Dom does not respect boundaries, stalks and hunts their prey, when it is nothing like that, if a Dom does that, you need to walk away and fast because that is not a real Dom not at all!
So the second issue, Christian tying Anastia up and showing her how he feels, how she made him feel. This scene right here, is abuse, why? Well let me explain about Punishments.
A dom never punishes through anger or frustration, they also do not just punish the Submissive, there is talk before, there is still rules and boundaries there, a Dom would never drag his Submissive into the playroom and make it look like a scene to punish her unknowingly.
Now another issue, after they marry he shows up at her work, takes position as the boss in a way and makes her writer leave the room so he can well argue with her, moan at her over a name on a email.
Again no respect, no boundaries.
One of the biggest things in BDSM is boundaries, the whole point is so the submissive can have her space, her freedom and think straight, because let’s face it, if a Submissive is always watched always followed she is never free!
So let’s get to the sex scenes, now while she tried to write she failed, there is a lot more to BDSM them a whip and blindfold, there is submitting yes, there is also something known as aftercare.
So what is aftercare? This is the part after a scene where you unwind and bring yourself back to reality a lot of people who skip this crash and in a way it is like a come down from drugs, the whole aftercare ranges it can be anything from cuddling afterwards, to talking about what you liked/disliked in the scene, a Dom something gets the Submissive food and a drink, some rub cream on their Submissives where they have been whipped to ease the sting.
So there is no aftercare, mentioned, sure they cuddle but not once does she mention aftercare, not once, so people will think they can do it and then walk away, possibly leaving the submissive and sometimes the Dom damaged.
There is also a lot of BDSM missed from her sex scenes, while she uses a vibrator, butt plug, blindfold and flogger, there is no gags, no whips (real whips) no electro sex, no bunny rope. It is as most people in BDSM lifestyle would say is typical Vanilla, those who buy a few things to play around with in the bedroom, not once do you hear of fetishes, or sexual fantasies along with a whole load of things like leads, collars and pet play?
So, when I read the books they were okay, I was not overly thrilled, I could not understand how they can be seen as BDSM, I do not understand how she can write like she knows about BDSM and portray it so badly, the whole Christian was under 16 when he melt his Domme, right there is a big issue, it is like trying to say that BDSM grooms children, when in fact, any real Dom/Domme will never ever invite anyone under the legal sexual age to play not a chance, so why did she feel the need to make it out that way?
Now again, his Domme, for those who don’t know Domme is a female version of Dom, now she herself is controlling, she tries to stop Anastia seeing Christian, tells her she is no good all these things. A Dom/Domme would never get involved in that way after a Submissive has walked away.
So while, I praise her for making women jump into beds and rattling them, I dislike her for showing BDSM in such a distasteful, disgusting and abusive light, yes it is a good story line, yes it is detailed sex scenes.
But the BDSM side, she has all wrong, the whole D/s relationship she has wrong, it makes people look at it and think BDSM is a abusive, child grooming, stalking, and hurtful game when in fact it is the total opposite.
Now I am keen to hear others thoughts on the book, so please let me know below and let me know if you yourself are in the BDSM lifestyle.