The real me!

I see you stood there, smiling from ear to ear, feeling happy in your own skin.

I wonder why I don’t feel like that, why my mind tells me I am repulsive.

The thoughts telling me, I am not in the right skin, I look at my reflection this is not who I want to be.

You all laugh at point, telling me I am to girly, you all laugh and point telling me I am a girl.

Picking up a brush, I started to make me into me, slowly piece by piece I become the real me.

I stand up proud, feeling comfortable in my new skin, smiling now ear to ear showing the world the real me.

Now you all laugh and point, look at that queer, omg he’s a boy why is he trying not to be?

My brief happiness lasted only a minute, my mind told me to wipe it off, this is not me.

I cry to myself, how can I be the real me, with so many judging me no matter which me I be?

I watch as others are free, free to be who they want to be, the make up, the clothes, the bodies.

Then there is just me, stood here naked looking at my body wondering why me?

What I would give, to have the thoughts every child has, what I would give to look in the mirror and love the me I see.

But it isn’t me, that is the thing, this reflection is not the real me, the real me can only be seen when you look inside me.

I hide myself like society says I should, I become withdrawn and hate what I have become.

It is like a revolution, I realise I need to be the real me, I can no longer deny myself the freedom to be free.

A revolution that frees me finally, I pick up the brush and start to swipe, the feeling sends shivers through me.

My heart healing with each brush stroke, watching myself transform in the mirror.

I watch as I finally become free, become the real me.

I stand up again to the world, showing them this is me!  My confidence boosted, from hiding the real me.

There you are waiting in the shadows, your evil grimace just waiting to fight.

You laughter starts, full of hate, your fingers points look at that freak.

I start to shake, my mind whirls, I want to run and hide, but I have to stay the real me.

I take a step forward, my head held high, I look you in the eyes and say

“This is the real me”

I walk by you, your stunned stare, wondering how I could be so brave, and share.

The reason why, is because I hid myself for so many years, the pain, the hurt built up and finally it unleashed.

It forced me to be the real me, it forced me to stop hiding behind the fake me.

It gave me the strength to show the world who is the real me, even if you don’t agree with that side of me!

I could be like you, and judge what I see, but I would never be you because that is not me.

I could sit and prey, prey that you become like me, so then you would finally see how it feels to be me.

But that is not me.

Society might be able to laugh at me, society might be able to point and stare, society might brand me weird or different.

Society, will never take away the real me!

This poem was inspired by a boy on Facebook, wonderful at make up, yet society judges him when he makes himself look like a girl, a evil cruel world we live in when society tells a child they are wrong to want to look like the opposite sex! Being part of the LGBT myself, I have seen, witnessed and been the subject of such hate.

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