Inside a depressive mind

It is something that eats you alive and you can’t help me no one can help me it is my mind that has taken control and I can’t regain that control!

Telling me to just snap out of it like I have been feeling a little down because I spilled some milk.

I wish I could just snap out of it but it feels like chains are holding me down making me drown begging to breathe, but I just cannot breathe!

You tell me I just need time I wish It was just time it feels like my whole life, but it has only been half of it time seems to have no effect it is still there and beating me down!

You look at me like I am a freak because I can’t get out of bed thinking I am just making excuses telling me to just move my body I want to move believe me, but I am a prisoner and can not get out of this bed no matter how hard I try I just cannot move!

You tell me to cheer up it might never happen it isn’t happening, and it seems like it never will cheering up is not really an option some days I just have to fight to keep breathing cheering up on those days is near impossible!

Looking at me saying who has died do you realise how much that means to me inside I feel like I have died like I can’t wake up like no one around me notices or cares about me or my struggles I wish some days I was dead at least then I won’t be walking around waiting to wake up waiting to feel life again!

Sometimes you tell me it is a choice and I choose to feel this way. I choose to have these feeling and I can choose to be happy if that was the option I would not be sat there feeling so low like there is sometimes nothing in life for me like the chains dragging me down just won’t let go.

I wish I could just do what you say and make myself happy but sometimes I cannot just make myself happy sometimes I just can’t see the happiness and you saying it is a choice makes me feel like I am doing something wrong what am I doing wrong if you think happiness is a choice why do you get the choice and not me why can I not have the choice you can have!

You don’t realise how much I want to get up how much I want to socialise but I can’t I don’t feel strong enough some days to get out of bed never mind socialise those days I feel so low are the days I need my friends and my family not them to say she is wallowing in self-pity those are the days I need you to comfort me not tell me to snap out of it or ask me who has died cause right then and there I feel like I have died.

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