If you make it through this blog post read it all that would be amazing! If you shared it would be even more amazing just think you never know who might be on that social media platform who is in the same position I was 60 days ago! You never know who you could help just by sharing!
So today is day 60 of no gambling I was told it is a big deal in any addiction especially gambling and to make sure I celebrate it or at least acknowledge it. It’s weird, It might be 60 days and to some, it seems like a lot but to me it doesn’t it seems small insignificant. But looking back I can see why so today this blog post is a mixture. It will be a bit about before I realized and admitted to my addiction and about the last 60 days how I overcame them when so many fail and gamble again.
But looking back I can see why so today this blog post is a mixture. It will be a bit about before I realized and admitted to my addiction and about the last 60 days how I overcame them when so many fail and gamble again.
So why am I doing this? Because since I opened my eyes and realized I wanted to make a change even if it was to just one person’s life! I wanted to share my story, raise awareness and hopefully help someone else. I decided that that first day when I broke down and felt like I had lost everything.
So I started gambling years ago like 8 to be exact nothing big started out in a local bingo hall, looking back now though I understand the amount of money I spent on them nights was a sign I was addicted before even becoming addicted!
I would play online bingo but not much then soon after slots using the same site but again not much money.
Then things turned around 3 years ago and I started playing on other websites. That year I spent £883.73 online that is not including scratch cards I would buy weekly or should I say daily or local bingo halls I visited! Doesn’t seem like much? Let’s say I spent £10 on scratch cards a week. Sometimes it would be more seen as I would often buy ones that were £10 but its an average I can only guess! That would add £520 plus then let’s say 2 trips to bingo a month I would spend on average £70 a night not including drinks or food just on gambling that would add £840 all together £2243.73 roughly some weeks I would spend £30 on scratch cards or more!
So 2015 online I spent £6468.50 online! I went from under £1000 in the first year to over £6000 in the second! Just online so let’s say triple the scratch cards and bingo from the first year it would add up to £10,548.50 roughly! In the second year! I don’t even know how I could afford that! And that is just 2015.
Now 2016, £9,744.78 online say £4000 offline although probably more let’s say 15k in 2015! When you think of it like that it is a lot at the time it was not it was £20 lost it add another £20 lost it add another £20 until in a few hours goodbye £300!
2017 in like 19 days I spent nearly £1000 imagine if in January this year I had not woken up and realized what was happening.
So that is how things led up from spending maybe £10 a month on gambling to over £1000.
So that night I realized I broke down! Who did I have I could talk to or trust I had to tell someone no one knew no one all all I reached out to two people I felt I could talk to one been family the person I knew would push me to tell my dad which I knew I needed and someone I felt I could talk to who believe it or not I only knew online through business but I felt I could rely on her.
That night I broke down and said everything it felt like a relief but at the same time, I knew I had a huge battle to fight. I then decided I would not hide my story I would not pretend everything was fine and I got together what small tiny amount of strength I had to reach out and talk on facebook on a live video so there was no way of going back!
I had a choice hide and pretend to everyone things were perfect like most people do on facebook or tell everyone. Yes, I was ashamed but at the same time. I knew that someone somewhere would see my video and possibly reach out for help and that is all I wanted!
Afterward, things got hard, I went to doctors and got help for depression, anxiety, and OCD. I had to battle with the doctors to get them to help and on my first visit I actually got laughed at. The doctor said I just needed a hobbie to mask the illnesses followed by a laugh and him saying “Obviously not gambling” I obviously left feeling deflated and ignored but still battled on booked another appointment for another doctor and had a better outcome that time.
The 60 days have been hard, Yes I have had thoughts about gambling I often get the common one “If I just put £20 on I could win” When that didn’t work my brain tried another way “Going to bingo isn’t the same I wasn’t addicted to that” But deep down I knew I was. Then as time passed it was “It’s been ages since you gambled you would defintly win this time if you did”
Still not getting me to gamble, I have dreams! Yes dreams you would think just thoughts and emotions but no dreams as well. The first was of me actually gambling online watching the reels spin and winning it gave me that feeling the high which it wanted so I would wake up and gamble. But I didn’t you see that is how gambling is awful in life you win and lose all the time your taking risks all the time. The feelings associated with them wins, loses and risks is what can trigger gambling again because they are the same feelings you get gambling. That is why every day in life it is a battle no matter if it is day 1 day 60 or you are at 3 years of no gambling every day you get that feeling you got when you gambled!
Since going live on facebook and starting this blog I have had several women come to me and open up about having a addicition to gambling and thanking me for sharing my story and making them see. That is all I want! to help others and make them see before it spirals out of control like I did.
So you might be like me but thinking no I am not addicted. Do this and I bet you will see. If it is online look at the websites you gamble on add up how much you have gambled this month, Then last month, then the month before and so on. Average uk household will gamble £3.20 a week! So lets say £15 a month not much right how much more are you gambling? You can probally even work it out if you spend offline quiet easily if you really wanted to!
Gambling is awful it draws you in and in the end only the casino wins. Not you I thought I had won several times but looking and how much I spent I lost a lot! I seen it not long after I admitted to my addiction on a mums group on facebook! Why the admin let it go on for hours I do not know but the signs where all there of them becoming addicted!
Refere a friend if they deposit £10 you get £10! If you joined and lost £10 walk away don’t draw others in in a bid to try get another £10 to spend! If you can’t afford to put that £10 on walk away! Unfortunatly I bet a lot of them young mums will now be sucked in and addicted all because one person wanted to try get a bit more money to gamble! I obvously stepped in and said something with no avril to be told I won’t get addicted by every single one of them! I just though I used to say that even a day before saying I was addicted I said to myself I am not addicted!
So if you could share this please do! You have no idea who is on your facebook, twittter, instagram or whatever that might in stuck and get some help by this!
If you are reading this please reach out to anyone even a stranger! But it is always best to tell someone you know will force and push you to tell others so you do not hide! I get asked why I did a live on facebook it was to raise awareness but also so I then knew if I went back and gambled I would then have to go onto facebook and do a live and tell everyone! That I do not want to have to do!