Falling apart 

I thought I was doing good that I had started to achieve something with my anxiety depression and ocd but I guess I was wrong.
Today started great, called into the doctors to sort out my prescription and was told to go back at 10:30 for an appointment.
So I spent the morning walking round shops and meet a friend until I had to go to my appointment.  I know I need the tablets but I honestly wish I didn’t go now.
So let’s talk about why I had to go to the doctors.  I first went on the 27th of January the doctor was rude and unsupportive.  He gave me some tablets to help with my ocd anxiety and depression.

He said to go back in a week for a check up.  On the 10th of February I went back to see another doctor and actually felt like he listened and cared unlike the one I seen the first time.  He said he was happy with my progress and didn’t want me back for a month ifless things got worse.

So the pills I got would last till 25th of this month.  I shouldn’t have needed an appointment until 13th March as the doctor said.  However the pills where not in repeat the receptionist could not help me at all so told me I had to see  doctor.
Well this doctor today made me feel worthless and stupid telling me I should be back in plenty of time telling me I should have been back before now.
I tried explaining to her that one the doctor did not say it was not in repeat two I seen the second doctor 12 days ago and he said there was no need to be back for  month so how was that my fault?   Surely be should have checked I had enough of it wasn’t in repeat?  

Do I left feeling like total rubbish like the first day I went.  The way she spoke was like she was annoyed I was there!!  Yes it took half an hour for her to see my after my appointment time and guess what the whole 40 minutes I sat there not once did she call another patient in.

Back home I tried taking my mind off it but honestly couldn’t which led to me feeling worse.  I then stood there cooking fighting back the tears because I felt like I was the only one who cares about me.  I seem to do everything for me for everyone and I just get told it’s not enough and then ignored.

It’s probably my emotions but it’s how I feel the slightest thing pushes me over and honestly it started today at the doctors she caused it.  I honestly feel like I’m here cooking cleaning while everyone around me expects me to do it all while they sit and do nothing then complain it’s not good enough!! 

Then to top it off the landlord called I couldn’t answer I was already in edge ready to cry so ignored it for him to text and again it’s pushing me to far I.want to hide in a corner be rang abd I instantly though he’s going to show up at the house.  Im still sat there shaking anxiety in overload and losing so much hair drum my ocd because of it.

It reminds me of this song, jar of hearts gambling addiction is just like it, it goes around leaving scars, it breaks up relationships, ending in the person wishing it doesn’t come back to them because then it destroys more of their life.  The same can be said for depression it leaves scars you can’t see, destroys relationships.  Today this seems to be my song 100%

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