I realised it’s been a while since my last blog post. I was busy getting everything ready and sorted for the kids starting back at school by the time it but 7pm I was out cold!!
Gambling is getting no where I’m ignoring all the thoughts I have and keeping myself busy. Now here’s the thing everyone expects me to tidy like a mad women. You need to keep busy so clean sorry but no.
I’m not cinderella!! Clearly cleaning did not stop her dreaming and thinking of things because it doesn’t.
Have you ever been trying to stop thinking about something and thought I’ll try clean and see if that takes my mind off it?? I have it doesn’t work you don’t need a lot of your brain to clean which leaves spaces.for the thoughts. Now reading a book takes a lot so me doing that stops the thoughts reading Facebook replying to people starting conversations that means I need to think and stops the thoughts. Cleaning is physical you don’t need to think much about it other them OK I’ll do this next. You go to do it and don’t really think much about it, it’s like your mind automatically does it without thinking.
Cooking uses a lot providing it’s not something you simply throw in the oven. Cooking a Sunday dinner took ages of preparing etc. That kept my mind busy I made my first every homemade shepherds pie!! Concentrating so hard meant there was no room for the thoughts to come through.
My thoughts are not so much the same as in the start. The first few days the thoughts where more like, ” if I just deposit £20 I could win back some of what I lost and owe people” I know stupid right?? The company always wins and are the ones who have the last laught before stopping I couldn’t see that now I can.
So what thoughts do I get now? Well it’s came away from the online tempting thoughts it’s looking for a new way to drag me in.
Now it’s more like ” you can buy just a scratch card that’s not the same” ” surely I can go to bingo just once I.didn’t find that addictive”
Truth is I did!! Don’t worry no I.didn’t gamble or fall for it but thinking about it I can see how I was addicted to them as well. I could buy one scratch card win £20 and rather then cash and keep the money it would go in my bag and when I went to the shop next time I would buy another 2 or 3. Meaning by the time I did cash it in I had lost more then I won.
It was the same with bingo, the mini games that cost £1 to play I would go to bingo say £15 for books, £6 on food and drink but would spend around £70 that means I kept putting £1 in the machine to play the mini bingo games.
Again at the time I didn’t realise it was gambling addiction I just thought I got carried away. So why have the thoughts changed?? Obvious isn’t it my mind knows if she buys that one scratch card it will turn into two then two into three until I decide well why not just deposit online.
It’s looking for a way in something that most people would think it isn’t going to be addictive but it actually will be.
If your reading this and considering getting help please do!! It will be hard but everything worth something is hard.
If your fighting it already keep going don’t give in to those thoughts!