So today is day 27 of no gambling for me and while it is not so much gambling causing issues it seems to be everything else.
I used to handle things one way that was gambling today I couldn’t and it was hard it started out good but as the day went by things must got worse. Im now angry over silly little things and a emotional wreck I keep getting to the verge of been in tears and pulling myself back to stop them.
It made me think a lot of when I used to be like this is I gambled I helped obviously that is not me saying it was good and I should keep doing it!! But just realising how some days I have so little control in my emotions is shocking. Im not used to feeling like this at all I thought about things I never would for some reason I at there thinking I will never see my nana again on the verge of crying it’s been 11years since see passed but today it was like it happened now not 11 years ago.
Cooking and cleaning I kept thinking how I get no help in doing everything and feel like I’m a slave. Im not obviously it is just my emotions are out of control today. It’s the thing gambling wants it wants me to be weak to these emotions to gamble to get the feeling I do but it isn’t worth it.
Im not sure what happened today if it was just because I didn’t feel I incontrol of my emotions, I don’t know I.keep sitting here thinking what caused today to be so bad and hard and I really don’t know.
Tomorrow is another day though and today will just be another day to say I made it without gambling. I have been told it takes about a year for the thoughts to go away. You know the if you just do it once, or just play once and you can win. Yes them type of thoughts a year in average before they leave me alone obviously not 100% but at leaste it won’t be every day like it is now.
So kids are asleep so I’m going to run myself a bath and relax then bed tomorrow is another day and I can say I made it through today without gambling.