Judgement Day 

So let’s first catch up on whats been happening.  Today is day 21 of been gamble free in these 21 days I have saved around £1000 from not gambling!!   I feel great that I have achieved it.  I have yet to go to a local meeting and get a sponsor I’m building up to this.  To be honest it’s not getting there and back stopping me is anxiety.

For all I know it could be all men no women that would just be awkward or even I’m the youngest one and no one is near my age.  All these things are going round my head and putting me off going but this is my final step in stopping gambling.
So let’s talk about my mental issues.  My anxiety has been all over my landlord just showing up randomly is making it worse but I am finding ways to not think about it.  Depression is still there but I’m keeping myself busy to not think about it and not let out bother me.

Now the OCD is probably the worse this is taking time to get a grip on but I’m working on it.
The mum situation has not changed, I get she doesn’t text or call my brothers or siblings but still to me that is not right.  I could not imagine going a day without talking to my kids let alone months.  Kids are there for a reason to carry on the family names and keep the family alive and growing without kids the family would end.  

Im grateful though it has shown me the side of things I don’t ever want my kids to experience they should always know I’m thinking about them and one way is to always stay in contact as they grow.
So today it was review day at the doctors, anxiety kicked in obviously would it be as bad as the last time, the doctor not caring etc.  The doctor today was so lovely and helpful he was shocked by what the doctor last time had wrote he spoke about and the fact he actually didn’t.

So he printed off a 40 sheet work book for self help, a number to call for a physiatrist and wants to see me again in a months time.
I feel happy I finally got someone to listen and actually want to help be asked questions listened to answers before offering a solution and seemed to understand.

So I’m looking forward to the next few weeks of getting better and growing.  Im now going to concentrate on my business and building it and helping others in the same position as me.

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