So something happened yesterday and it made me realise some things it hurt but I think it will actually be good feeling uncared about hurts but this is my time to show people I don’t need them.
You see when most people have addictions and they tell family and friends usually the family is the most supportive. Your family are the ones who ring you not constantly but like once a week or a text to see how your recovery is going. We are on day 16 now everyone found out on day two my dad came to my sisters and seen me but my mum however went out that night drinking no text or call for support. The next day which was day three I went to my dad’s and my mum was still there. No support she asked if my partner had spoken to me and that was it. Since then she has not text or called me to ask how things are.
My own mother does not seem to care I feel like maybe if I had said I was addicted to drugs she would it’s like because it’s gambling it doesn’t seem as serious. Which is so not true people have died from gambling addictions, lost their family suffered mental breakdowns. I know if my brother rang my mum now saying look I need to stop drinking she would go straight down to support him find him one of the residential homes to help him get sober. She works with people who are addicted to drugs or Alcohol and is there to support them but me her own daughter does not even get one text to ask how I am doing.
To be honest I don’t tend to hear from her anyway she’s never text or called me asking how I am or the kids her grandkids so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised by her not now. Growing up after my mum left was hard. She and none of my sisters ever spoke to me about periods and girl things I had to figure it all out myself. Having my kids she came once after I had them to see them and that was it. Birthday parties are the same she didn’t come to a lot which takes me to yesterday. Late notice yes I messaged her Friday saying because I had no money I invited one of my sisters down for a little party on Saturday. Her reply made me so angry “Ok, my back is bad tonight but if I feel better I will call down.x” I didn’t bother replying at that time I knew she would not even bother.
But what annoyed me was the fact she actually went to my dad’s I get why my sisters husbands dad had passed so my sister went to my dad’s and obviously my mum went. But how hard would it have been to say tell the twins happy birthday?
Then it got me thinking she’s gone there straight away to support my sister after her father in law passed but could not even text me once since this happened asking how I am or how things are going.
So last night I decided something and I said a silent prayer and apologised to my nana for what I was about to say. But I no longer have a mother I know saying that would hurt my nana but honestly what sort of mum leaves when her kids are young doesn’t support them and then when something like this happens doesn’t even take the time to text saying hope your OK if you need to talk let me know.
I know some people reading this who have lost a mum would thinking it is harsh but for nearly 20 years she has made no effort to build a relationship with me I lived literally a two minute walk away from her for nearly four years in that time I seen her maybe 4 times a year when I went to her. Now my mum isn’t old she’s not incapable of walking getting a taxi or bus. There is nothing wrong that would mean she had a excuse not to visit but there is no excuse not to text your daughter once a month or even every 3 months asking how she is.
So this is my post my good bye to my mum I will not text her again I will not call her because even when I do she doesn’t ask how the kids are she doesn’t ask how I am.
I have had more support of strangers on my Facebook then I have of my mum and some of my family as I said I believe it’s because it’s gambling and because I’m not directly putting crap into my body killing it, it doesn’t make it very serious in their eyes. Sorry but growing up seeing people addicted to drugs and alcohol put me off them for life.
I guess I don’t have the right Addiction to get support and now I realise who matters who cares and who I don’t need in my life. This illness has shown me who is there for me and who isn’t. I tend to not post about family because I know they might see it and I would rather not have the hassle. It should not take a blog post like this to get your mother to support you because let’s be honest if that is why she isn’t doing it out of support or love she’s doing it because I made you made her look bad and she wants you to remove it so her imagine isn’t tainted.
So for now I’m battling this Addiction with the help of my partner, the people on gamblers anonymous and people on my Facebook.
And these are the only people I need!