I shocked myself 

So yesterday was amazing I can’t believe what I actually accomplished.  Getting up at 6 me and kids ready to go to school I asked my partner for my bank card.  Today we be the first day I will have it since I admitted to having a gambling problem.  I needed to get the twins birthday cake and a few other bits.  So he reluctantly gave me it obviously wary which I don’t blame him I was as well this was my big test!!
So getting to tesco I walked around getting the shopping doing well.  I met a friend in tesco and she had scratch cards and was talking about winning £400 online most people at this point would have probably bought a scratch card I didn’t.  I reminded myself of the twins birthday and how I had made so many mistakes I have ruined their birthday and just carried on shopping and paid and left.
Later in the day she came to the house again talking about winning and she was sat there playing on her phone on online slots.  Again most people would have after she left thought I’ll give it a go or I’ll just deposit once. I didn’t i honestly feel amazing to have achieved that.
But like everything and like all addictions one day at a time and don’t over do it.  So today I am giving my card back to my partner.  I don’t want to keep it all the time yet I don’t feel ready for that.  Yesterday was just like any other day taking kids to school picking them up cleaning etc.  The only thing different was I went shopping and over come the fact someone I knew was infront of me gambling.
The pills I have for my depression anxiety and ocd are messing with my sleep however I was out cold by 6:30 again but on a good note up at 6am feeling happy and ready to face the day.
One day at a time is how I am doing it with the reminder of west my lowest point is which is the fact I can not afford presents for the twins birthday due to my gambling.  Losing the house I could have probably coped with but ruining my daughters birthday hurt.
Today will be simple again not much happening if I don’t fall asleep early I might just make it in time to write a post about today.

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