Food?  yes please oh wait no thanks 

Today was a better day I didn’t have as much thoughts about gambling and feeling a little happier.  Amazingly I woke up feeling the same as yesterday though.  The feeling of been starving and that feeling you have after you have just got over a sickness bug.  The first morning waking up and thinking I need food like now… Yes that me again this morning.

So I had porridge, 3 pancakes. 4 bakewell and still felt hungry.  Spent my morning relaxing watching TV.  When I went to the shop there was the scratch cards again but today it was a lot easier to ignore them.  The women in the shop was shocked I didn’t buy one seen as there was new ones. That’s how predictable I am even the local shop are waiting in my buying a scratch card.  

So today was a good day finally I had one wow I’m so happy I can say that because I honestly didn’t feel like I would be saying it anytime soon.  So I now have my fingers crossed to have more of these days.  I still feel awful for not been able to get my daughters anything for their birthday this week.  They are 6 and I’m scrapping money for a cake for them.  You would think not gambling now would give me money right???  Wrong I have money but because of how stupid I got in the last months I owe two months rent!  So good bye £1350 that is the main reason I hate myself right now for ruining their birthday.

Food is just annoying the mornings I’m eating like everything can’t get enough food come around 3 o’clock I’m no longer hungry and eating it feels like I’m force feeding myself and I feel sick.  So tonight cooking thinking in hungry sit down to eat and take maybe 6 bites and can’t eat any more.

I love the morning appetite I don’t normally eat in a morning but these lat few days I have waken and ate a lot.  So now it’s just to sort out after that because I can’t keep going to sleep without tea.
I went shopping today £30 in my pocket felt so weird I don’t handle my money or card any more just to be sure until I am 100% sure I won’t gamble.  Was nice to be able to walk around the shop something I never though i would have to ask permission for is my own money but honestly I would rather do that then risk gambling again so soon.

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