So today is the day I see the doctor or should be a day where I end up feeling better like there is a light at the end of the tunnel but it certainly is not.
I set off to go to the doctors at seven my appointment is at eight. Getting there there is three elderly people waiting at the door. Gets to eight am and they only just open the doors?
I mean if you book appointments for eight surely you should be open before then considering your told to arrive 5 minutes before at leaste. So my nerves got worse stood thinking what if I dint have an appointment. Finally if was my turn at the reception desk and I wad booked in. Weird though sat there at 20 past 8 still waiting 3 people went in before me.
Confusing isn’t it my appointment was booked for 8 when they open yet these people went in before me did they have appointments booked the same time?
Finally I get called in and to say the doctor didn’t care would be a understatement. I explained I wad diagnosed with depression and anxiety like 10 years ago and never went back and it has just been getting worse and worse I explaind how I got ocd while pregnant and still have it. Explaining how I became addicted to gambling and that dulled it a little but I still wad never fully in control.
There I was telling him everything for him to tell me his best recommendation would be exercise and a hobbie followed by him laughing saying obviously not gambling though. I had to say no I need something I have no interest in doing anything I can’t concentrate on anything and I no longer feel motivated to do anything.
He Finally gave me something saying to book another appointment in two weeks to be seen again. I did but certainly not with him. You see usually when you go to the doctors if you say you have an addiction even if you have not gambled for a week they offer you advice they have leaflets flyers etc he didn’t even ask about it. The dance with mental illnesses they do a sort of quiz to see how bad it is so they know which treatment is best he didn’t. I felt pushed away like he believed exercise and a hobby was the best medicine it is in some mild case’s but where someone has had it for 10 years without help surly he could see it was beyond that point of I resorted to gaming to help myself fight it.
I left feeling worse then before why would I go back this is why I didn’t 10 years ago because it’s a fight a battle to get them to listen they think people are just using it as a excuse not to work and ignore most people.
I was left feeling alone again I couldn’t think of anything to do but go home. fighting back tears I went home and again struggled to continue to control my feelings and emotions looking forward to night time so I could just switch it all off and pretend it didn’t happen