Fighting a battle 

I slept better last night taking the kids to nursery and school I tried getting a appointment with the doctors. I finally got a sit and wait and I wish I didn’t.
Sitting there in the doctors 9 o’clock and it wad quiet no one there gets to 10 past 9 and someone shows for an appointment and gets called through. Me sitting there for another 30 minutes getting worse scratching my hands waiting for my name to be called.  It would be so easy to just get up and walk away but I didn’t asking the reception why I’m 45 minutes I’m still waiting when only 4 people have been in and seen and left I’m told there is a back log of prescriptions so I have to wait till the doctor is ready.
I sit there till ten past eleven and what a waste of time just to make me feel more anxious and worse I had to leave without seeing the doctor to get my daughter from nursery.  At home the same feeling was there my mind telling me to gamble my mind wanting to move and be active but part telling me I can’t be bothered I felt depressed and alone no one to talk to who understands.  Yes I know people recovering from drug and alcohol addictions but this to me was different I needed someone who was going through the same as well.
I b found some groups on facebook and used the gamblers anonymous website 3 o’clock came and it was time to get the rest of the kids from school. That afternoon I was not in control I was snapping over nothing on edge and ready to cry I wanted to be busy but at the same time I couldn’t be bothered.

My ocd and anxiety wad just getting worse I couldn’t stop fidgeting thinking and worrying.  Every sound had me jumping wondering what it was without gambling I did not know how to control these illnesses I didn’t know what to do and I did not know how to stop myself from been so on edge that night I slept well exhaustion mixed with lack of food made me have a peaceful nights sleep.


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