The words I never though I would hear myself say but I now am.
So that is Friday 20th January 2017 and something big just happened. I had a breakdown I was sat there crying shaking uncontrollably hardly able to speak and broken.
You see I had must gambled away £600 in just a few hours! I’m was scared shocked and totally broken it wasn’t the first time I had lost such a large amount but this time something hit me and hit me hard and snapped me out the daze.
I rang once of my sisters crying begging her to not tell anyone before I would tell her. She confirmed she would not tell anyone and I broke down I said “I have a gambling Addiction and I just lost all the rent money”
My exact words I have a gambling Addiction still crying I spoke to her for a minute she said she would ring me back once her company had gone.
Still in a state I messaged a friend on Facebook age called me and again I was a total mess. Scared start am I going to do my partner is going to find out the landlord will I honestly felt like hiding curling up in a ball and just hiding from the world.
Her words calmed me down a lot she showed me how to see what the worse outcome could be and how even if I was homeless I still had my kids and family.
Finishing on the phone to her my sister called back and we talked I agreed to go to hers tomorrow.
That night I decided I needed to take action so I registered in gambling anonymous website I spoke on a live chat to people who had gone through similar to me. I knew I had to make a change in not one for talking and telling people my emotions and what’s bothering me and that was what got me in this mess.
Rather then get help for ocd abd anxiety and depression I ignored it didn’t tell family and gambling with my drug to hide from it.
So that night I spent all night using the online slots and bingo self exclusion feature so I couldn’t go on my usual websites.
I went to Facebook and hit the live butt knew if I did and I told people my story I would find it harder to gamble again and I hoped someone somewhere would see it and it would help them.
This was my first day realising I had a gambling Addiction and wanting to change it. I was broken but I needed to change things to fight this disease.